Dear all,
Mandy was NOT banned for speaking her mind or due to the topic of the
gelatin thread. She was banned for attacking someone (Lori, ONE of the
several moderators of this group) viciously and maliciously. THAT can't
be tolerated. All Lori did was privately ask Mandy to take her topic
private.
Writing someone privately to ask them to tone down, or stop posting
something inappropriate, or some other behavior that is problematic, is
perfectly acceptable and done all the time (I moderate 3 groups and
several of my friends are moderators as well. None of us (me or my
friends) moderate this group in any way, we are in New Jersey and
moderate out local groups, plus I am moderator of a group started in
Oregon, and another one in California) and in checking with my moderator
friends, I have learned that this is done all the time.
Anyway, Mandy took Lori's simple PRIVATE request, and, rather than
answer her privately where no conflict would have been witnessed in the
group and they could have dialoged about it, she brought it public.
Now, bringing it public would not have been so bad, but doing it
viciously and maliciously was what caused the problem.
We are free to say anything we want here. You can see that by the hot
feelings this banning has created. No one is being censored or asked to
stop. The group is minorly moderated and only for spam and personal
attacks, as far as I can tell.
I have to let you know that doing this kind of job (moderator) in a
group with almost 2,000 members, is no easy task. Lori and the other
moderators should be commended, not abused.
The reason Mandy was asked to take the conversation off list was due to
the ongoing, lengthy, verbose, research that she was posting, one after
the other, when it was of interest to only a handful of people. She was
not told not to discuss the topic, but rather, to address it to the few
of you who expressed an interest in it.
If you think about it, our surgeons, cross the board, have expressed the
absolute need for protein and fluids. I have polled over 200 people in
the past three weeks (since the thread started) and have not found one
person among them (my surgeons included) who have heard that gelatin is
a good source of protein for us. In fact, the research I have done in
the past week due to the prevalence of the topic, has shown me that
gelatin is NOT good source of protein for us. Yes, it's good for bones,
etc., due to the collagen, but the message that was starting to come
across in the postings when someone said she would not be trying the
gelatin, was that she was making a mistake. This was Mandy's opinion,
no one else's, and she was trying to convince this woman of the error of
her ways. That's when we had the deluge of gelatin research hitting the
board.
So, from what I can see, yes, a few people were interested in the topic,
but not so many that it had to be the ongoing theme of the month.
For Mandy to have reacted so violently to a simple suggestion of taking
the topic private, was just plain wrong. There is no way you can
convince me otherwise. This group was formed by Di and Sue as a
mechanism to help people who were new to the surgery, exploring their
options, and learning about the surgery, to have a place to go and ask
their questions and get help and support. People who stay post-op and
offer support are always welcome because their advice and information
from 'living it' are definitely invaluable. However, again, vicious and
malicious attacks, no matter how angry someone makes you, are not
acceptable, no matter who they come from.
Sorry if you disagree. I liked Mandy too, but I would have banned her
also if I was in a moderator position on this group. I don't accept
unacceptable behavior from anyone. At times, like in any family, there
will be disagreements. If you disagree with someone, do you attack them
or do you just express your disagreement in a civilized manner? Think
about that before giving Lori any more of a hard time about this. It's
all about attitude and Mandy's, when someone disagreed with her, was not
acceptable.
That's all I have to say on the subject.
live each day like it's your last... love like you've never been hurt...
Deb in Hazlet, NJ
"Debbie Dancer"
distal rny
September 3, 2002
386/212/165
BMI 60/31/24
-174
-100"
Angel to Bill, Debbie, Ilene, Roy, and Ro